Warming
I was glad to see the important report on climate change released today. Yet, I couldn’t help noticing and enjoying the date it was released, particularly given other stories in the news. And so …
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Panel Releases Report on Imminent Climate Change
Warming to occur as early as next six weeks
February 2, 2007
By Phillip Pucks, Atty.
PARIS, Feb. 2 — In its most strongly-worded statement yet, the hibernating members of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change of the United Nations today released a report on global warming unequivocally affirming that climate change due to human activity is not only a certainty, but that it will arrive sooner than previously thought. Specifically, the panel revealed, the Earth will see a warming informally referred to as “Early Spring” within the next six weeks.
This is a bold step for the members, who have spent much of the winter holed up, presumably engaged in research and debate. Earlier reports, each released on an annual basis, have indicated members’ hesitation to make bold statements about impending warming. The 2006 report, entitled “Shadow of a Doubt: Six More Weeks of Winter” was criticized by some as a sign the group had yielded to political pressure from the Bush Administration, which famously denied evidence of global warming in its own statement, entitled “Heck, It’s Always Warm in Texas!”
The panel’s bold step in its 2007 report, after so many years of chronically denying impending warming, may indicate that climate change may be hitting the Washington, D.C. area especially forcefully, with effects ranging from early daffodils and cherry blossoms to a stronger political role for Democrats, scientists, and small, furry herbivorous creatures.
The report was hailed as a bold step by some, including scientists who have long warned of the approaching dangers of global warming. “While I certainly wish the report might have discussed a period further into the future than the next six weeks, I think the bold statements about exactly how soon global warming is going to hit us are long overdue,” remarked Dr. Deke Reese-Karbohnikasid, Professor of Marine Biology at the University of Pennsylvania.
The information released today reveals significant research. Primarily, the scientists of whom the panel is comprised have developed a complex test measuring the quantum interplay between the angle of sunlight, sunlight’s effect on the earth, and observation of those effects. By observing the shadows, or lack thereof, cast by sunlight, researchers are able to gauge exactly how soon climate change will take place.
The report bleakly predicts sharp changes, particularly for the period from February 3rd through March 16th. Some of the most visible will be a rise in grass levels, a sharp decrease in snow pack, a sharp increase in tourism to the Pennsylvania region, and localized outbreaks of dandelions. The report cautions that human beings may start losing their winter coats. While there is little we can do to combat this particular period of imminent change, scientists recommend moderation in spring-like behavior, such as frolicking.
Marmota Monax, the secretary general of the United Nations Organization of Herbivorous Rodents, said the report should be a wake-up call. “The speed with which melting snow piles are raising pothole levels is uncertain, but the report makes clear that incidences of busted tires will rise inexorably over the next six weeks,” she said. “It is a question of when and how much, and not if,” she said, adding: “While the conclusions are disturbing, at least there will be more tasty clover. Yum. I really like clover.”
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Panel Releases Report on Imminent Climate Change
Warming to occur as early as next six weeks
February 2, 2007
By Phillip Pucks, Atty.
PARIS, Feb. 2 — In its most strongly-worded statement yet, the hibernating members of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change of the United Nations today released a report on global warming unequivocally affirming that climate change due to human activity is not only a certainty, but that it will arrive sooner than previously thought. Specifically, the panel revealed, the Earth will see a warming informally referred to as “Early Spring” within the next six weeks.
This is a bold step for the members, who have spent much of the winter holed up, presumably engaged in research and debate. Earlier reports, each released on an annual basis, have indicated members’ hesitation to make bold statements about impending warming. The 2006 report, entitled “Shadow of a Doubt: Six More Weeks of Winter” was criticized by some as a sign the group had yielded to political pressure from the Bush Administration, which famously denied evidence of global warming in its own statement, entitled “Heck, It’s Always Warm in Texas!”
The panel’s bold step in its 2007 report, after so many years of chronically denying impending warming, may indicate that climate change may be hitting the Washington, D.C. area especially forcefully, with effects ranging from early daffodils and cherry blossoms to a stronger political role for Democrats, scientists, and small, furry herbivorous creatures.
The report was hailed as a bold step by some, including scientists who have long warned of the approaching dangers of global warming. “While I certainly wish the report might have discussed a period further into the future than the next six weeks, I think the bold statements about exactly how soon global warming is going to hit us are long overdue,” remarked Dr. Deke Reese-Karbohnikasid, Professor of Marine Biology at the University of Pennsylvania.
The information released today reveals significant research. Primarily, the scientists of whom the panel is comprised have developed a complex test measuring the quantum interplay between the angle of sunlight, sunlight’s effect on the earth, and observation of those effects. By observing the shadows, or lack thereof, cast by sunlight, researchers are able to gauge exactly how soon climate change will take place.
The report bleakly predicts sharp changes, particularly for the period from February 3rd through March 16th. Some of the most visible will be a rise in grass levels, a sharp decrease in snow pack, a sharp increase in tourism to the Pennsylvania region, and localized outbreaks of dandelions. The report cautions that human beings may start losing their winter coats. While there is little we can do to combat this particular period of imminent change, scientists recommend moderation in spring-like behavior, such as frolicking.
Marmota Monax, the secretary general of the United Nations Organization of Herbivorous Rodents, said the report should be a wake-up call. “The speed with which melting snow piles are raising pothole levels is uncertain, but the report makes clear that incidences of busted tires will rise inexorably over the next six weeks,” she said. “It is a question of when and how much, and not if,” she said, adding: “While the conclusions are disturbing, at least there will be more tasty clover. Yum. I really like clover.”
posted by Debs at
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